Confession No. 5: I am Terrified
People are scared of things all the time. I'm petrified of a lot of little things, like spiders and snakes, and I'm scared of a lot of big things too. A really common thing to be afraid of is death (and sorry in advance, because this chat isn't going to be any less morbid the further we get into it); does it hurt? Will it be quick? When will it happen? What happens afterwards?
Here's my thing though. I'm not really that worried about death. Don't get me wrong, I don't relish the thought and I certainly don't want for it to happen any sooner than it has to, but I'm fairly apathetic about the whole experience.
Confession Time: I am downright terrified of living.
You have to understand that for most of my life I've been told that I'm a high achiever, that I'll do great things in my future. I am so incredibly paralysed by fear at the idea of living life because I am insanely worried that I will meet my full potential doing it. I am scared of living because there are so many things I want to do, and not enough time or energy or resources to do them. If I live, and I mean really live the way I want things to go, I don't think I'll ever want to stop. I think I'll work myself into a grave, and I'll work myself into a state of trying to run desperately from death.
So you tell me; is it completely unreasonable to be so scared of not living properly that I'm scared of doing it altogether?
Always,
Your teenaged disaster
Here's my thing though. I'm not really that worried about death. Don't get me wrong, I don't relish the thought and I certainly don't want for it to happen any sooner than it has to, but I'm fairly apathetic about the whole experience.
Confession Time: I am downright terrified of living.
You have to understand that for most of my life I've been told that I'm a high achiever, that I'll do great things in my future. I am so incredibly paralysed by fear at the idea of living life because I am insanely worried that I will meet my full potential doing it. I am scared of living because there are so many things I want to do, and not enough time or energy or resources to do them. If I live, and I mean really live the way I want things to go, I don't think I'll ever want to stop. I think I'll work myself into a grave, and I'll work myself into a state of trying to run desperately from death.
So you tell me; is it completely unreasonable to be so scared of not living properly that I'm scared of doing it altogether?
Always,
Your teenaged disaster
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